I don’t even want to talk about it. Here’s your Roundup:
- Since he’s been doing so well, I might start Soto a lot next year. That’s assuming I’m not doing time for murdering half the dipshits on this team.
- The guy who was on the shafting end of the last really good trade Hendry made got his ass fired. Now, the only trades Hendry is going to come out on the good end of are for Pokemon cards.
- The Muskrat thinks all you fans are dumb. She points out that the bleacher fans were calling the new kid “Fulo” and then says, “Actually, Fuld — which is pretty easy to pronounce — was more nervous when he had to handle the ceremonial first pitch.” You know what’s also easy to pronounce? “Hack.”
- Rothschild seems to think that Zambrano is just trying too hard, and that’s why he blows. That’s why this guy gets the big money, folks. I noticed a crumpled-up piece of paper next to Rothschild’s locker the other day, and looked at it. It said:
EXCUSES FOR WHY ZAMBRANO SUCKS
1.Too much instant messaging-USED
2.His frosted tips-GOT RID OF THEM
3.Venezuelans are unreliable-TOO RACIST?
4. He’s trying too hard -PERFECTO, BIG L!
5.Blame Dusty-TOO CLICHE - Do umps have nothing better to do than to try to check out the Piniella package I sometimes like to wrap in fleece? Next homestand, I’m showing up to at least one game butt-ass naked. We’ll call that “Ladies’ Night at Wrigley.”
- Which one was it? JJ Hardy or Chris Capuano?
I’m off to get ready for another day of this month-long death knell. Have a good short weekend, buttholes.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
*Picture credit goes to Migames. Nice find, guys.
Gay Brewer???
It has to be Bernie the Brewere
Grown man in vienerhosen and alpini cap sliding into a keg of beer = awesome
Grown man dressed as a ballplayer going down a slide = gay
Oh the payoff to that Gay Brewer link was so worth it. I’m 12.
That picture is absolutely mesmerizing. Who did Lou nail first? The chick in the purple sport jacket or the chick wearing one of Michael Jackson’s old jumpsuits? And did he leave on the flat-bill Sasson hat while he did it?
“First”? That’s implying that Lou didn’t get triple-teamed as soon as the photo session was over.
You’re right– it’s naive of me to think that they weren’t all forming a grilled Cuban sandwich immediately after the shoot.
I respect the fact that your mind is so pure that you can’t picture a sweaty Piniella at the bottom of a heap of naked woman flesh.
It’s been a while, but I think “I respect the fact that your mind is so pure that you can’t picture a sweaty Piniella at the bottom of a heap of naked woman flesh” was my Senior Yearbook Quote.
I don’t remember my quote, but I know I was voted “Most Likely to Picture a Sweaty Piniella at the Bottom of a Heap of Naked Woman Flesh.”
You were probably the only contestant. Also, I hate to quibble, councillor (sp? I can never remember), but it’s “death knell” as in the bell that tolls for Cub fans whenever Dempster enters the game. We need not ask for whom the bell tolls and all that…
Bullshit. You LOVE to quibble.
Thanks. I fixed it.
I know they have a song for hoffman when he comes in..what song should they play when dumpster comes in?
“Piece of Crap” by Neil Young
“She Drives Me Crazy” – Fine Young Cannibals
“That Smell”
“Queen Bitch” by David Bowie
Why is there a picture of Jack Nicholson on here?
I’ll go with Neil Young as well, but I choose ‘Fuckin’ Up’ from Ragged Glory.
I’m in the process of writing a song called “Abject failure as an athlete, comedian, and all-around human being”. Oddly, nobody wants to distribute it because of the long title, but I gots to be true to the music.
St. Pat, call it “Abject Failure (As an Athlete, Comedian, and All-Around Human Being).” Record companies ALWAYS fall for that parenthetical crap.
That’s Gold!