Ankiel Fitted for Bonds-Sized Helmet
Posted by Bad Kermit on Fri, Sep 7, 2007
Aww, poor ESPN. Their “feel-good” story of the year, the comeback of Rick “Vaughn” Ankiel, has turned into a “he felt me there, there, and there, and then I started crying” story. The “heroic” comeback of Rick Ankiel was apparently done on more than desire and soul patches. Good old Wild Thing was apparently taking enough HGH during his comeback to turn a miniature pony into just a normal-sized pony.
I believe Ankiel’s linking to illegal substances makes for the 100th player to play under Tony LaRussa so linked, making The Genius eligible for a free steroid cocktail. Congratulations, Tony!
Seriously, isn’t someone going to take a long look at LaRussa at some point? He coached two of the most famous juicers in MLB history, Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire, at the prime of their bathroom stall success. He coached Scott Spiezio until he went to rehab. He’s currently coaching Albert Pujols. I’m not saying. I’m just saying. And he’s had two players die on his watch in drug- and alcohol-related incidents.
Also, I hate him.
It would sure be nice if the MLB would act swiftly on Ankiel, particularly since Ryan Dempster single-handedly let the Thirdinals back to within one game of the Cubs.
*Thanks to Weebs, Ned Ryerson, and TDubbs for the links (all of which were actually different)
BigFlax
StPatrick
PenFoe
CT
Bocaj
September 7th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Mine was the best though
September 7th, 2007 at 10:53 am
Rick Ankiel’s chin needs to be in a butcher’s shop, slicing 1/4 inch Porterhouse steaks.
September 7th, 2007 at 11:26 am
What are not say just saying about Pooholes? That he could be the poster boy for HGH use.
September 7th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
This disqualifies him from the Top 79 List. Move #80 up at once. And button up your shirt.
September 7th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Yeah, BK, what are you getting at? That Pujols trainer from college on was also the trainer for Jason Grimsley? That he came from an unknown college in Missouri and then suddenly became Ted Williams out of nowhere? That he’s bald at age 25? Bk, I am completely appalled and will not stand for these implied allegations.
September 7th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
At least there aren’t a bunch of self-important hacks making idiotic excuses for him through poorly-written prose. Oh, wait.
September 7th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
We, the ever important Cardinal Nation…ah screw it. We’re so fucking lame. We do, however, have a million jinx and curse jokes. Haha! God, we kill us.
September 7th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
WOW…Will is a flaming homosexual folks.
September 7th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
“Rick Ankiel is not hitting homeruns in 2007 because he took HGH in 2004″……oh.my.fucking.god.
I wonder if the idiot who wrote that realizes the sharp chinned has obviously been using a performance enhancing drug they DONT test for since 2004. What a jagoff.
September 7th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I have plans for that article.
September 7th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Whatever your thoughts on the jaw-dropping New York Daily News story this morning, that innocence is now replaced with … something else.
The afterworld?
“jaw-dropping”. A major league baseball player implicated in an illegal prescription drug ring. Yes, indeed. Certainly makes me want to open up and say ahh.
September 7th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Yesterday, I felt so innocent. Today, I feel as dirty as Prince Fielder’s cleavage after a doubleheader.
September 7th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Is it just me, or does Ankielhgh look just like a young Lou Diamond Phillips in that picture? Seriously, I’m asking.
September 7th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
I think it was Dolan who compared him perfectly to Cotton Weary.