Len, Bob, I Like You, But Get off Pierre’s Nuts

Posted by Bad Kermit
Posted on September 5, 2007

I don’t care what Len says. You suck.Two testicle headlines in two days. Aren’t you guys lucky? I made a conscious effort to avoid watching much of last night’s game for three reasons:

  1. I’m pissed that Trachsel replaced Marshall in the rotation (even if Trachsel pitched decently last night).
  2. I had no desire to watch the Cub offense flail away at Brad Penny, one of the most dominant pitchers in the National League.
  3. I am ever so sick of Len Kasper and Bob Brenly telling me about what a hard worker and good guy Juan “JP” Pierre is.

Sure enough, during what little part of last night’s game I did see, Len and Bob were ladling heaping spoonful of praise after heaping spoonful of praise onto their little buddy JP. I’ll paraphrase what I remember of Len and Bob’s JP Love Fest.

  1. Pierre works hard.
  2. Pierre is a really swell guy.
  3. Pierre is often the first person at the ballpark.
  4. When Pierre arrives at the ballpark, he rolls balls down the baseline, stares at the flags, and crawls around looking at the individual blades of grass.
  5. Pierre makes all those routine 4-3 groundouts into bang-bang plays.
  6. Pierre had 200 hits! The most since Billy Williams!

Please. I’ll just go ahead and respond to Len and Bob’s comments:

  1. For $8M a year, I promise you that I would work really hard at being a Major League baseball player, too. However, that would not guarantee the fact that I wouldn’t be absolutely horrible at it, and it certainly doesn’t seem to help Pierre.
  2. It may very well be that Pierre gives Len and Bob interviews, is friendly with the media, and is a nice young man. However, like I told Carlos, I have enough friends.
  3. That’s nice that Pierre shows up early to the ballpark. Perhaps he should have given a lesson to Eric Patterson. Again, though, I prefer my ballplayers have talent over “nice qualities” like punctuality.
  4. Juan Pierre’s pregame routine is the stupidest pregame routine I’ve ever heard of in my life. Shit, Babe Ruth got a hot dog and a hummer before every game, and it seemed to work for him. Perhaps instead of checking out the field conditions for hours and hours before the game, Lil’ Juan should hit the weight room, drink a protein shake, take some extra batting practice, and work on throwing the ball more than 20 feet through the air.
  5. Wait. A close 4-3 groundout counts as one out just like a Daryle Ward 4-3 groundout, right?
  6. So help me God, I’m going to have my boy Daryle sit on the next person to mention 200 hits around me.

Give it up, Len and Bob. We hated Pierre as a Cub for good reason. There’s no need to try to get us to like him while his team is busy doing what they can to keep the Cubs out of the playoffs.

Start working on your “Why You Shouldn’t Hate Jacque Jones” banter.

Around the MLB, Broadcasters & Journalists, Ex-Cubs

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to get future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Comments

23 Responses to “Len, Bob, I Like You, But Get off Pierre’s Nuts”

Leave Comment

(required)

(required)