If there was something worse this past week than watching the Cubs fumble around in Houston, hearing they claimed Scotty Fabulous, and then watching Rich Hill serve up a grand slam to Jamey Carroll (Jamey Carroll!) it may have been listening to the excessive coverage of the “feel-good” story of the year. In case you haven’t heard, Rick Ankiel is back. When last you saw him, he was winging fastballs at vendors, ushers, fans, ballboys, and pretty much everyone in the 2000 NLDS who wasn’t wearing a chest protector and a mask. Since I’m pissed at the way the Cubs are playing, and you’re probably pissed at the way the Cubs are playing, why not redirect that anger at a Cardinal? Let’s all hate Rick Ankiel.
Ankiel was called up last week, and is off to a torrid start, hitting .375 with a .412 OBP and a 1.000 SLG in his first four games. In that time, he also has 3 home runs and 6 RBIs. Impressive. So impressive, in fact, that the national media can’t get their lips around Ankiel’s knob fast enough to call this the greatest “comeback” since someone won 300 games. As Desipio’s Andy Dolan so eloquently put it, though, this is not a “comeback.”
Comeback from what? From not being able to throw a strike? From not giving up his baseball career to go home to…nowhere to use his life skills in nothing? What other choice did Ankiel have? His dad’s a drug addict who is in jail for 20 years. His brother is a drug addict who has been arrested more than 20 times.
Ankiel’s 2000 meltdown was not “tragic.” It was “hilarious.” That’s why, as the national media rushes to play up the heroic “Rick Ankiel Story” and as the self-proclaimed “Best Fans in Baseball” leap off their NASCAR seat cushions to give this guy ovation after ovations as he grounds into 4-6-3 double plays, I’m going the opposite way.
Screw Rick Ankiel. May he whiff more than Adam Dunn, may he run slower than Paul Konerko, may his children be fatter than Mark McGwire’s, and may Kerry Wood beat the holy hell out of his boombox.
Who’s coming with me?
J Alfred shoots and scores.
J Alfred, awesome sentiment, but Ankiel is ALREADY a Cub-killer. Check out his line after one career at-bat against the Cubs:
1.000 AVG 1.000 OBP 3.000 SLG 4.000 OPS
Small sample size my ass!
Ankiel is a Cardinal, so why would we be “deciding” to hate him? I say it’s said and done when they put him in the uniform.
And really, you all should ease up on A-man Baller, especially you, BK. The poor guy obviously has some obsessive infatuation for JP and when you dissed his True Love, you snapped that last tiny thread of sanity he was clinging to. Now all he has left is to try and aggravate and infuriate other people.
I almost said other “men” but then I realized there is at least one female on this site. C’mon now, am I the only girl brave enough to get in that Shoutbox? If I am I think I should get a pink star. (No, I don’t wear a pink Cubs hat, and please don’t call me Trixie-I’m older than you and actually know baseball) But BK is far too power hungry for that………sigh.
Being a Cardinal (or Cardinal fan) is like choosing to wear a Ku Klux Klan outfit to the local NAACP meeting. It’s wearing a “Beaners Go Home” T-shirt to the Hispanic Catholic church service. It’s telling a new mama, “Boy that is one ugly-ass baby.” In other words, it’s an invitation to be hated. You don’t have to be Rick Ankiel to join that party.
(No offense to you, Dan….welcome to the site. It’s all meant in fun)
You really wussed out in that last parenthetical, Cheri. REALLY wussed out.
Fun? FUN!?!?! Hating the Cards is a full time job.
Yeah, it’s a southern lady thing, BK. I am a native Chicagoan and lived in Arlington Heights till I was 8, but then we moved down Yonder to Chattanooga…..where Ladies always put on makeup before they go out, men still open doors for women, and you Have To Say Something Polite. I’m trying to fight it, I really am. A Southerner would say, “Pray for me.” a true Chicago native would say, “What the fuck is wrong with me?”
Take your pick! (I know what it’ll be)