There are few things that could kill the natural buzz I have enjoyed while watching the surging Chicago Cubs whittle the Milwaukee Brewers’ lead in the NL Central to a slim half game. The turd pictured to the right represents all of them.

Allow me to introduce you to John Murray, an alleged “Cubs fan” who clearly failed to successfully market his idiotic, absurdly generic, trademarked “It’s Gonna Happen” slogan to the boobs like Ben Affleck and Jimmy Fallon who root for the Red Sox. Now, he’s popping up in Wrigley Field and is trying to pass off as Cubs paraphernalia the boxes and boxes of t-shirts which he has stored under his bed next to his “Go Local Sports Team!” coffee mugs and “You’re All Winners in My Book” pennants.

You may recognize Murray’s slogan from the recent Cubs homestand. Murray has been seen holding a professional-looking “It’s Gonna Happen” sign in Wrigley Field. For whatever reason, he generally isn’t getting punched in the wang while holding the sign.

This marketing genius must really think Cubs fans are a bunch of dopes. The shirts are red, the color of the Cubs’ most hated rival, as well as the color of the Red Sox, whose fans’ “woe is us” attitude has been pissing off Cubs fans since 1908. The slogan is also clearly written in Red Sox font.

To top it off, Murray is the same asshole who, during a Cubs game in 1995, charged out of the stands and rushed toward Cubs reliever Randy Myers after Myers gave up a go-ahead two-run home run to Astro James Mouton in a game that the Cubs had to win to avoid mathematical elimination.

The incident led to a one-year Wrigley Field ban for Murray and a severe ass-kicking at the hands of Myers. Unfortunately, Myers didn’t beat any sense into Murray.

Twelve years later, Murray is back trying to capitalize on the success of the current Cubs team, and his idiotic slogan has somehow made it as far as SI.com.

So, I think we have a right to know. What is “it,” John? Are you going to move out of your parents’ basement? Are you going to see a nude female torso that doesn’t have a staple in it? Or is someone going to buy one of these idiotic t-shirts? Please don’t let the third happen, Cubs fans. If you get the urge, just remember your “In Dusty we Trusty” shirts and put your wallets away.