Hire Jim Essian

I hate this team. I hate this ballpark. I hate Jim Hendry. I hate John McDonough. I hate Larry Rothschild. I hate Ronnie Woo-Woo. I hate Mike the souvenir salesman. I hate the brass brand in the stands. I hate Len, Bob, Pat, and Ron. I hate the blue flag. I hate the white flag. I hate the scoreboard. I hate the ivy. I hate the one lady they always show during the seventh-inning stretch. I hate the Walter E. Smithe Company. I hate Under Armor. I hate Wayne Messmer. I hate the “HOME OF CHICAGO CUBS” marquee. I hate the bleachers. I hate Yosh Kiwano. I hate the Batter’s Eye restaurant. I hate Chicago sportswriters. I hate The Score. I hate ESPN 1000. I hate the Harry statue. I hate Murphy’s. I hate Hi-Tops. I hate The Cubby Bear. I hate peanuts. I hate Cracker Jack. I hate Comcast Sports Net. I hate WGN. I hate Dan Plesac and Kerry Sayers. I hate Cubs.com. I hate Carrie Muskat. I hate scalpers. I hate shirtless Chads. I hate shirted Trixies. I hate all of you. I hate the Friday Roundup.

Paul Sullivan (who I hate) makes fun of Jim Essian in his article this morning. F@#$ him. He does make a good point, though. At least Essian fired his dumbass porn star pitching coach, Dick Pole. I’d like to fire Rothschild…out of a cannon into a razor-blade dildo factory.
Read this article about Kerry Wood if you want to have your heart broken. I hate having a heart. I hate Mike McGilvray, Jim Riggleman, Don Baylor, and Dusty Baker.
Tony LaRussa (who I hate) is losing his mind.
I hate that when Ozzie Guillen runs out of guys to throw under the bus, he does it to himself.
I hate how I’m going to get my hopes up for a trade for Mark Texeira, and I’ll end up being as disappointed as Hendry is when an “all-you-can-eat” place has to close to sweep the floors.
I hate that Bruce Miles is a better G.M. than Jim Hendry.
I hate how pointless little moves with the lineup don’t prevent us from being shut out.
I hate how A-Rod cheats on the game more than he cheats on his wife. I also hate she-males and stupid-ass nicknames like “Stray-Rod.”
I hate that the dumbest player on the team is playing the position which requires the most intelligence.
I hate that this team sucks in such obvious ways that even Commissioner Gordon gets it.
I hate that Soriano is somehow still getting All-Star votes.
I hate that not even the Sox sucking ass and Wade Miller on his way out the door make me feel any better.
I hate our baserunning.
I hate prudes who think a woman’s thigh is pornographic.
I hate the fact that our clueless idiot of a G.M. still thinks this team is good and refuses to have a fire sale. No fire sale? Fine. Can we just set the whole team on fire, then?

I hate going to get ready for the Braves. Have a shit weekend, jerks.

-Sweet Uncle Lou (I hate that nickname)

Jack

Razor-blade dildo factory. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard. I now have Cheeto dust al over my keyboard at work. Thanks Kerm. I suppose that’s what I get for reading this while eating Cheetos at work.
PenFoe

I hate that Kerry Wood article.

And I definitely hate that it’s dated June 3rd, 2007.
http://www.herloyalsons.com domer.mq

This may be the greatest Friday Roundup in the history of blogdom.
Pingback: It's... it's... beautiful. (link)
Section 242

If Kerry Wood is putting us all through this bullshit charade so he can stay on the roster long enough that his 17 month old son can one day be old enough come to the locker room and shag flyballs, he is a huge asshole. Ypou made $33 mil for doing jack squat the last 4 years, buy your kid a minor keague franchise in a few years but just get the f@%k off my team.
Pingback: It's... it's... beautiful. (link)
http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

I think it’s more a sign of Wood really loving the game and wanting to share it with his son. I still hold out hope that Wood is in the bullpen after the All-Star Break. Of course, I’m a f@#$ing moron.
Section 242

I would like to share a baseball experience with my son that didn’t have a pitcher going on the DL 11 times in 10 years and misses entire seasons because of arm problems.

Now, Kerm about that bridge in Brooklyn I have been telling you about. The seller is willing to drop the rpice just for you…
ilrnr2910

it’s so refreshing when someone else writes down what you’re thinking! thanks again Kermit :-) Go CUBBIES! (oh boy …)
Pre

I hate the fucking band.
Jon

That intro sums up everything I feel right now. Actually, everything I’ve felt for the last three June 1sts.
MichaelB

That is a great article on Wood. Heartbreaking really. The article mentions the horrible injury rates for pitchers seems to have climbed. Could one of the other contributing factors (in addition to not throwing enough innings in the minors) be the rise of the offense first catcher? In 2003, we had two guys who were poor hitters, but outstanding handlers of pitchers (Bako should not be on the bottom 126, because he brings to the table everything that Kermit is slamming Barrett for lacking). 2003 vs 2004. Near identical ERA, K wins. 13 CG in 2003 3 in 2004. With the two headed monster, our starters managed to get further into games. With Barrett, high pitch counts in the 6th. If the odds are that stacked against a power pitcher, then why in the world would you ever let them be caught by a guy who has no idea what they are doing behind the plate. Look at Brad Ausmus, he’s probably a free agent in every fantasy league, but if the Astros were to cut him, he’d be grabbed in a second and we’d all be surprised to see which starting catchers he would displace.
Besides, you don’t win with offense first catchers. What is the last WS winner that has? I can’t come up with one.
MichaelB

Seems like Z is sick of having an idiot for a catcher.
http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

I don’t think you can lay the blame for the high pitch counts at the mantle of the catcher. To me, that’s solely on the shoulders of our idiot pitching coach. These guys don’t know how to PITCH. They’re up there throwing the ball. They don’t set up hitters. They don’t know WHEN to go out of the strike zone. They’re morons.

Also, Bako sucks. He’s overrated behind the plate, and he’s terrible next to the plate. You could make a pretty strong Damian Miller argument, but not a Bako argument. I’d rather have Hank starting than either one, because he’s far better than both of them behind the plate.
MichaelB

Yes, pitching coaches too, but think about the Whitesox catchers in 2005. They got guys out of jams before the innings got too long. Catchers are out there everyday, and the good ones learn the hitters better than the pitchers can. Also the real catchers know what buttons to push with their pitchers to get them to step it up. In a jam, the pitcher may want to go with their best pitch, the good catcher convinces them to go with the pitch that will get out that specific hitter instead.
As per Gabor. Horrible hitter, but it didn’t matter. He hit as bad as Bob Boone. Not quite in his league behind the plate, but not that far off. Catcher offense shouldn’t matter. Defense first catchers win championships. So, if Bako’s offense is all you have, stick with it because of his catching ability. Better yet, platoon him with another offense second catcher. Just play the one who is swinging the tepid bat.
http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

But that’s my point about Bako. He wasn’t particularly good defensively, either. Certainly not good enough to be an automatic out EVERY time he’s in the lineup. Miller was a decent glove guy.
MichaelB

I wasn’t clear. Bako is very good defensively. Boone was all-time great defensive, and I didn’t want to go into the hyperbole of putting Bako quite in that class. You’re right that Miller was a more complete package, but a guy like Bako has more business being in the lineup AT CATCHER than does Barrett.
http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

Bako was a statue back there. He called a decent game, but he was terrible at blocking the ball and was nothing special at throwing guys out. Miller was better than him at all facets of the game. I don’t argue that he’s FAR better than Barrett defensively, but there are guys better than Bako with both the glove AND the bat out there (read: Miller, Blanco).
MichaelB

Koyie Hill looks to know what he is doing behind the dish. If the rest of the lineup can carry his bat, he could be our guy. Soto might be a better long term answer, but Hill can step in right now. Maybe if Blanco is out for a while and Barrett is traded (we can only hope for the latter), then let Hill and Soto share it.
level5

The Kerry Wood article was longer than his playing career.
NOMAD614

I know nothing about baseball; but I know Kerry Wood sucks! Keep on rocking in the EA world BK, where the Cubs can’t be stopped.
http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

I WISH EA still had a baseball game.

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Please Trade Everyone” Edition

Advertisements

RSS Feed

The 2012 nut-punch ends in

Hot Topics

Recent Comments

Categories

HJE Archive

Cubs Sites

NL Central Blogs

Other Baseball Sites

Other Sites

Meta