I’m not even going to waste my time trying to find a picture of Dave Veres in a Cubs uniform. I don’t care what his uniform and his paycheck said in 2003. That mother f@#$er was a career Cardinal.

You should have at least tried to hide it, though, Fredo. You didn’t have to keep wearing your shitbird red jersey underneath the blue pinstripes, you dirty bastard.

Judas Iscariot allegedly left the Cardinals at the end of the 2002 season and signed a one-year, $2M with the Cubs in January of 2003. Little did the Cubs know that they could have had him for 30 pieces of silver.

If Axis Sally actually wasn’t still drawing a paycheck from the Cardinals while pitching for the Cubs, then he has absolutely no excuse for his shitty Cubs numbers.

If Benedict Arnold was trying his hardest as a Cub, he is the anti-Jason Marquis. When the Cardinals no longer had any use for Marquis, what did Marquis do? He said, “F@#$ you, Jocketty, you ball-washing turd. Now bend over so I can sodomize your shitty lineup with my my sinker.”

On the other hand, what did Ephialtes say? “Mr. Jocketty, would you like me to wash your balls or wipe your turds? Here is a shitty splitter that your lineup can bend over and sodomize.” At least, that’s what he said when he was healthy enough to, you know, throw the ball 60 feet and 6 inches. He was healthy enough to do that for a whole 32 2/3 innings in 2003. Thanks for all the help, Robert the Bruce, you f@#$ing traitor. How was your two-month vacation?

Brutus was mercifully gone after the 2003 season, as the Cubs granted him free agency in October. He signed with the Astros prior to the 2004 season, but he has not pitched in the Majors since 2003.

Low Point: October 15, 2003. After rallying back from a 3-0 deficit, the Cubs were down 7-5 in the seventh inning, still with a chance of rallying in Game 7 of the NLCS against the Marlins at Wrigley Field. Kyle Farnsworth got the first two outs of the 7th before giving up two straight singles to Mike Lowell and Jeff Conine. With runners at first and second and two outs, Dusty Baker went to Veres to face Alex Gonzalez. Veres promptly surrendered a two-run double to Gonzalez, putting the Marlins up 9-5 and effectively dashing the Cubs’ hopes of a comeback. In case you forgot, the Cubs lost 9-6.

Did You Know? After not pitching since 2003, Veres is attempting to make a comeback with the Colorado Rockies, having signed a minor league contract in January of 2007. Humid up those balls when you’re facing the Cardinals, Rockies. God knows you’re going to need it.