CHICAGO–Cubs starter Jason Marquis was nothing short of brilliant Wednesday night, retiring the first 16 Pittsburgh Pirate batters he faced. With one out in the sixth inning, Marquis was flirting with perfection when he jumped the gun and said, “Do you wash your pants with Windex? Because I can see myself in them.”

Promptly thereafter, Don Kelly lined a single into left field to break up Marquis’ perfect game. Marquis kept his composure despite failing to seal the deal with perfection. He ended up going home with a 110-pitch, complete game, three-hit shutout, the cute friend of perfection with the annoying laugh.

The complete game was just what the Cubs’ bullpen needed, as manager Lou Piniella had exhausted all of his arms in a 15-inning affair with the Pirates on Tuesday night.

When asked about his brush with perfection, Marquis said, “If I get a chance with perfection again, I’ll probably go with, ‘If I could rewrite the alphabet, I’d put ‘u’ and ‘i’ together.’ Even though it should really be ‘you and me.’”