Many fans may not have noticed, but MLB All-Star voting began nearly three weeks ago at MLB.com. The early onset of the voting seemed to support many fans’ thought that the All-Star Game is nothing more than a popularity contest, failing to take into account the actual talent of the players in each league.

According to Wilkes High School prom king William Marley and prom queen Amanda Soren, quite the opposite is true.

“Everyone is all, ‘The All-Star Game is, like, some kind of popularity contest,’” Soren said, flashing her perfect teeth at the reporters present. “And I just think that’s, like, totally unfair. It’s totally not. It’s, like, more about the players being, like, good at baseball and everything. You know?”

Soren’s king and Wilkes High all-area starting quarterback, William Marley, agreed. “If it was only about popularity, the team would be totally different,” Marley said, casting sidelong glances at the biceps of his folded arms. “Like, when Pujols makes the team, it’s not because he’s a funny name that you’ve heard before. It’s because he’s the most deserving first baseman in the National League. At least as long as the voters assume that Derrek Lee will be dead by the All-Star Break.”

Soren also did not like Lee’s chances of making the All-Star Game. “Yuck,” said Soren, rubbing apple-scented lotion on her perfect skin. “Lee’s smile is all crooked and his voice is too deep, unlike Puj- I mean- Lee’s defense and ‘clutch’ ability is nowhere near as good as Pujols’. Plus, did you see the cute signs Albert put up by the gym? They said ‘HIT LEE WHERE IT COUNTS! WRITE IN THE PUJOLS!’”

Soren and Marley have plans to watch the All-Star Game before eloping together in an effort to create a genetically-perfect super race.