On behalf of the Cubs organization and its loyal fans, f@#$ you, Scott Williamson. The Cubs paid you $2.5M to pitch like garbage for 42 2/3 innings, and you think you have a right to bitch about playing time?

Williamson was signed by the Cubs one year after he “earned” a World Series ring with the Red Sox after pitching 28 2/3 innings for them. Williamson was another reclamation project by Jim Hendry, cut from the same mold as Ryan Dempster and Wade Miller.

Williamson spent the majority of the 2005 season trying to figure out whose farts made bigger stink bubbles in the hot tub: his, Prior’s, or Wood’s. He pitched only 14.3 innings that year, meaning the Cubs paid him nearly $35,000 per inning of work. That 5.65 ERA he put up during those innings was worth every penny.

At the beginning of the 2006 season, Williamson was off the disabled list and ready to pitch. Unfortunately, his mouth came off the disabled list at the same time, and Williamson could not stop squawking.

Now, it’s no secret that I’m not a Dusty Baker fan. In fact, it would be fair to say that I hate Baker more than Soriano hates plate discipline. After investing nearly three decades of frustration into this team, though, I have a right to piss and moan about how Dusty favors his “guys,” and about how certain players should be playing more often.

Hired gun middle relievers who have stupid haircuts, who spend the majority of their time cashing paychecks from a hot tub, and who put up ERAs over five, on the other hand, do not have such a right.

In 2006, Williamson thought he had a right to criticize Baker’s use of him, even though at the time Williamson was sporting a less-than-stellar 4.56 ERA. If Baker were Ozzie Guillen, I assume his response would have been something like this:

Who? Who said that? Williamson? Who the f@#$ is Scott Williamson? He ain’t shit. I don’t care what Williamson did with the Reds. What was that? Five years ago? F@#$ Williamson. If he weren’t on this team- I don’t know- Maybe we’d be 20 games over .500. He’s pitched like shit a lot of times when I trusted him to not pitch like shit. Come talk to me when Williamson’s ERA is under four. Maybe then Williamson can talk about how I use my players. F@#$ Williamson and his fag hair.

Instead, Baker said:

…

I rip on the Cubs and gnash my teeth over their stupidity because I give a shit about the team. Williamson did it because he felt like he wasn’t getting enough opportunities to offset all those runs he kept giving up.

Williamson also supposedly requested a trade. He subsequently denied ripping Baker and the trade rumor, claiming he was happy in Chicago. You know, if you’re going to be a crybaby bitch, at least stand behind the fact that you’re a crybaby bitch.

The Cubs were happy to accommodate Williamson’s alleged trade request, though, shipping him to the Padres for Fabian Jimenez and Joel Santo soon after Williamson’s comments about Baker. Williamson is now on the Baltimore Orioles, along with the rest of the refuse rejected by the Cubs organization.

Low Point: April 26, 2006. The Cubs were tied with the Florida Marlins 3-3 at Wrigley Field in the top of the 8th inning until Williamson came on for one of the worst relief outings I’ve seen recently. Williamson started the inning with a five-pitch walk to Josh Willingham, who was replaced by pinch runner Eric Reed. Williamson balked Reed to second, subsequently bitching at home plate umpire Bruce Froemming about the call, a big no-no in the MLB. A wild pitch later, and Reed was on his way to third base. Williamson got a strikeout with the go-ahead run on third, but then walked Dan Uggla on six pitches and Chris Aguila on four pitches to load the bases with one out. Bobby Howry came on in relief of Williamson and promptly surrendered a two-run double to Wes Helms, followed by a sacrifice fly from Miguel Olivo. All three runs that Williamson allowed on base without forcing the Marlins to swing a bat came around to score. Those runs were all the Marlins needed as they beat the Cubs 7-5.

Did You Know? Williamson won the National League Rookie of the Year in 1999, one year after Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood won the same award. I wonder if Williamson bitched about the shininess of the trophy.