Did you ever see the movie For Love of the Game? I remember hating it when I saw it in the theater, but I was talked into watching it again just a few months ago. The second viewing reminded me of all the reasons why I hated it. The terrible acting. The prominent role the Yankees and Yankee Stadium played. The creepy girlfriend from Donnie Darko. Oh, and the washed-up old pitcher Kevin Costner played, who even looked somewhat like #31 on The Bottom 126, Jeff Fassero.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I’m about to ruin it for you with no remorse. Trust me. I’ll save you two hours of mushy romance wrapped around a baseball movie. Costner’s character Billy Chapel, an aging Tiger pitcher struggling with the decision as to whether or not he should retire, pitches a perfect game in his last start in Yankee Stadium. Of course, Costner retires after the game and ends his great career on a high note.

Dramatic, right? No. Not if you hate Kevin Costner and think Kelly Preston should never ever be allowed to have clothed speaking roles in films. Also not if you can’t help thinking about Jeff Fassero when looking at Costner’s crow’s feet.

You see, Jeff Fassero could have walked away from his career on somewhat of a high note, just like Billy Chapel. Fassero came to the Cubs as a free agent prior to the 2001 season. Tom Gordon signed with the Cubs about a week later, with the expectation that Gordon would be the Cubs’ closer. Gordon’s arm exploded before the season even started, so the Cubs turned to the 38-year-old lefty Fassero to close out their games in April.

Fassero did really well. Hell, if we had known in April of 2001 what Fassero’s pitching was really like, we would have been checking the mound for a Christopher Marlowe script and a contract signed in Fassero’s blood.

Fassero could have ridden off into the sunset after the 2001 season, his 12 saves, 3.42 ERA, and 1.208 WHIP with the Cubs tucked into his cap, the memories of a decent eleven-season career still with him. No chance of making The Bottom 126.

He didn’t.

Fassero came back for the 2002 season, quickly erasing the fond memories Cubs fans had of his stellar April of 2001. Fassero put up a 6.18 ERA and a 1.706 WHIP in 2002, and was resoundingly booed for many of his home field outings. The Cubs traded Fassero to the Cardinals toward the end of the 2002 season for a player to be named later, who ended up being named Jared Blasdell and Jason Karnuth. You know when you get a PTBNL in a deal, he’s not going to be any good. When you get two for the price of one, you obviously just traded away the crappiest guy on your roster.

At least the Cubs would feast on Fassero, now that he was no longer allowing Cub opponents to feast on his carcass, right? Wrong. Fassero owns the Cubs, compiling a career 2.98 ERA, with a 6-5 record (including a complete game), 77 strikeouts against 28 walks, and 3 saves against them. Granted, the majority of that success came before he was a Cub, but don’t be such a wet blanket.

Low Point: August 2, 2001. It had been a long time since the Cubs led a division into August, yet there they were on August 2, 2001, 4.5 games ahead of the Houston Astros in the NL Central, playing the San Diego Padres at Qualcomm. Jason Bere, of all damn people, had his FOSH working as he delivered a stellar 7-inning, 12-strikeout shutout performance. Then, Fassero came on to pitch the 8th with the Cubs leading the Padres 3-0. D’Angelo Jimenez singled. Alex Arias singled. Rickey Henderson whiffed. One out, men on first and second. Fassero walked Mark Kotsay to load the bases. In stepped notorious Cub killer Ryan Klesko. I remember thinking to myself, “There’s no way he doesn’t hit a grand slam here.” I was right. Klesko cleared the bases with one swing, giving the Padres a 4-3 lead, which they held, and wasting Bere’s solid outing. What’s worse was that the demoralizing lost seemed to send the team into a downward spiral. The Cubs lost the division lead for good just over two weeks later, and they finished the month of August with a 7-10 swoon, eventually finishing third in the Central behind the Astros and the Cardinals. Balls.

Did You Know? Fassero had a cameo appearance on a Saturday Night Live sketch in 1997. Oddly enough, that was the exact moment that SNL started to suck. Coincidence?