So, Jason Dubois talked like Karl Childers, hit like Carl Spackler, and likes Hot Carls (maybe). What’s not to like about him?

Oh, right. His statistics. Another acceptable answer would have been “The fact that everyone at the four-letter site was in love with him.”

In case you’re reading this, Jason. I don’t care what you say. Your last name is pronounced “doo-BWAH.” It’s French. It’s not “doo-BOYS.” But if you want to pronounce it like you’re a pedophile, that’s okay with me. I guess.

Remember when the Cubs didn’t re-sign Moises Alou after the 2004 season, and everyone was all, “Awesome! We have Todd Hollandsworth and Jason Dubois!” You don’t? That’s because no one said that. Look, Alou sucked eggs for 67% of the time he was in a Cubs uniform, but did anyone really believe that any combination of Dubois and Hollandsworth in left field would replace his production from 2004? You did? How did you figure out how to turn your computer on?

It was painful listening to people argue for Dubois as the starting left fielder prior to the 2005 season. It’s sort of like finding the carcass of a rabbit that your dogs got to right next to her nest of bunnies. And you don’t want to take the nest of bunnies and drown them in the toilet, but you know you have to. But, because they’re so cute, you make sure to flush the floater in there before you drop them into the bowl. It was sort of like that. Only both Dubois and Hollandsworth were the floaters, instead of the bunnies. Because people like bunnies. They hate floaters.

Dubois became another in a loooooooong line of needlessly over-hyped Cubs prospects who the Cubs held onto just long enough to prove to everyone that he completely sucked at baseball, and then traded to the Cleveland Indians for a hometown floater: Jody Gerut.

Low Point: Dubois was sucking it up in 2005 along with fellow prospect abomination Corey Patterson. I was actually proud of Jim Hendry to have the nuts to send both of the underachievers down to Iowa in favor of Adam Greenberg and Matt Murton. Dubois never came back, as he was traded to the Indians soon thereafter.

Did You Know? Dubois is still in the Baltimore Orioles’ system, along with fellow Cubs flotsam, Corey Patterson, Steve Trachsel, Paul Bako, Freddy Bynum, and Scott Williamson. I’m guessing he still sucks, since he didn’t make the Orioles’ 40-man roster.