I’m not going to lie to you. I’m feeling pretty good this morning. Maybe it’s because the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and my balls aren’t itching. Maybe it’s because the Cardinals are in town. Or maybe it’s because I couldn’t possibly love Rich Hill more unless he had tits. Tits as nice as Alex Rodriguez’s.
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Seriously, 3-0 with an 0.41 ERA? Hill gave me exactly what I needed out of Zambrano the night before. Eight innings of totally dominant, shutout baseball. Did you see Andruw Jones’ knees buckle on three straight curve balls for strikes? After that at-bat, I turned to Rothschild and asked him why he was wearing a cup. He said, “I’m not wearing a cup.” Is it possible that Hendry wasn’t just huffing the gas out of his whipped cream cans when he said Hill was untradeable?
- I’m not just here to drool over Rich Hill, though. How about Ryan Theriot? Yeah, it was moronic for him to try to steal third in the first inning last night, but at least he was on base. All this kid has done is hit, hit, and hit some more.
- I know Kermit has given Ryan Dempster more than his fair share of grief, but have you looked at his numbers so far this season? He’s allowed ONE f@#$ing hit!
- While much has been said of Aramis Ramirez’s hot start with the bat, what about his glove? He made a damn-near impossible play in the eighth inning last night off the bat of Larry Wayne Jones for an out. In the top of the ninth, Larry f@#$ed up a far easier play.
- Oh, and his numbers don’t reflect it, but Matt Murton is knocking the crap out of the ball. He’s squaring up the ball nicely, and his rockets are going to start falling for a lot of hits. His baserunning still sucks (though not as badly as Soriano’s), but help is on the way.
- And don’t even get me started on how Zambrano is only our fourth-best starter.
- I guess what I’m saying is that there’s a lot of good shit happening with this team, so you can put away that single, hollow-tipped bullet that I saw you kissing the other night. F@#$ing weirdo.
- Of course, leave it to Gordon F. Wittenmyer to try to drop a big steamer on my happy day.
- Hell, I’m not letting that killjoy get me down, though. Today’s the first day I’ve felt halfway decent about this team since I took this ridiculous job. Enjoy it while it lasts, assbags. Bring on the f@#$ing Cardinals. Let’s put some hair on this rivalry’s balls.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
