Okay, Jason Marquis. You win. The minute you were signed, I had #36 on The Bottom 126 all warmed up and ready for you. But I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong, Jason. You’ve shocked me so far, and now I’m forced to turn my anger to the awfulness of Wade Miller.

Look, everyone hates Mark Prior now. That’s really no secret. I was one of the people who was glad that Miller won the fifth starter spot out of Spring Training over Prior. I thought the shock of losing out on a rotation spot to a guy whose fastball would lose a race to Ron Santo might scare some fire back into Prior. Oh, how I regret it. After watching Miller’s first two starts, I think wheeling Prior out on a stretcher every fifth day and having him fire baseballs from his ass at the plate would be about as effective as Miller’s pitching.

Seriously, Miller’s two starts have looked almost exactly like this, with everyone in the league playing the part of the Gas House Gorillas:

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Miller has exactly one good thing going for him. He kind of looks like Kerry Wood. Except, you know, during the 10 innings that Wood pitches each season he looks unhittable. Not like he just crapped his pants.

I get it, Jim Hendry. You’re completely obsessed with former power pitchers with broken arms. Miller is your newest little reclamation project. Like when you bought your dad’s old Mustang and spent that whole summer fixing it up.

I hate to break it to you, Jim, but it’s time to call Steinbrenner for a quote.

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There’s no reason to keep up this Wade Miller nonsense. The Yankees are so desperate for pitching, Darrell Rasner and Chase Wright have started nearly thirty percent of their games. Ship Miller off to New York for anything. Shit, I’ll take Farnsworth back at this point. Please?

Low Point: April 8, 2007. In his first start of the 2007 season, Miller goes only four innings against the Milwaukee Brewers in Miller Park, giving up six earned runs on nine hits, striking out no one, and walking two. My favorite part of the start was the two no-doubt back-to-back home runs given up by Miller to Brett Favre Geoff Jenkins and Gabe Gross in the bottom of the second inning. Oh, and the RBI single Miller surrendered to Brewer pitcher Chris Capuano later that inning was pretty exciting, too.

Did You Know? Some lunatic Astros fan actually took the time to write a song about Miller after he left Houston to join the Boston Red Sox. It, ah. Goes like this.

I’m Non-Tendered
(for Wade Miller)
to the tune of Love Me Tender
� Copyright 2005 by J-Mag Guthrie

I’m non-tendered, now I’m free
I’ll see what I can find
Because of my injury
I’ve not been re-signed
I’m non-tendered, yes, it’s true
Now I’m on my own
They released Shane Reynolds, too
I guess I should’ve known

I’m non-tendered, now I’m free
They don’t think I can pitch
Other teams are calling me
And now they start to bitch
I’m non-tendered, out the door
Free of their chains and locks
Since they don’t want me anymore
I’ve signed on with the Sox