It’s a credit to modern medicine that a hundred-year-old man can still pitch in the Major Leagues, even if it is just for the Diamondbacks.

Remember when Juan Cruz was “the next big thing” for the Cubs? Only the Cubs’ “next big thing” would check in at 6’2″, 155 lbs.

Forget the fact that Cruz was as likely to break a hip and poop himself as he was to live up to the massive potential the Cub faithful had piled on the kid grandfather. No, wait. Don’t forget that. That’s the whole point of this.

Cruz was signed by the Cubs in 1997 out of the Dominican Republic. Some phrases I recall being thrown around about Cruz as he worked his way through the Cubs’ farm system are as follows: “the next Pedro Martinez,” “the best pitching prospect in a Cubs uniform,” and “the second-best prospect in the Cubs’ system behind Corey Patterson.” Oh, the follies of youth.

Juan Cruz did indeed come up at the end of the 2001 season and electrify Wrigley Field with a sparkling 3.22 ERA and a 3-1 record. He began the 2002 season in the starting rotation, and he pitched well, but the Cubs steadfastly refused to score for him, as he compiled a 1-7 record in 9 starts despite not allowing more than 4 earned runs in any of those starts.

So Cruz was passed over by the new kid on the block, Mark Prior, which I think worked out fantastically well. Later in the year, when Jason Bere got his goatee stuck in a shredder, Carlos Zambrano got the call instead of Cruz.

In 2003, Cruz punched his own ticket out of Chicago by compiling a 6.05 ERA in 61 IP while giving up 7 long balls. If you were wondering how far Cruz’s stock had fallen by the time he was traded out of Chicago, he was packaged with Steve Smyth for Richard Lewis and Andy by-God Pratt. Sigh.

Low Point: June 12, 2002. I don’t know if Cruz hated Mark Prior for nudging him aside or whether he just genuinely sucked, but he certainly didn’t make a good case for him being reinserted into the starting rotation with this stinker. After Prior threw a 10-strikeout, 2 ER, 6-inning outing against the Astros in Houston, the Cubs had a 4-2 lead going into the bottom of the 7th inning. Then, Cruz came in and just absolutely shat the bed. He didn’t record a single out, giving up 4 straight singles, the last of which drove in 2 runs and tied the game. Jeff Fassero came in to face Lance Berkman for some inexplicable reason. Berkman promptly singled to load the bases. Joe Borowski induced a sacrifice fly out of Jeff Bagwell which scored the eventual winning run, hanging the blown save and the loss on Cruz. Cruz’s line for the game was 0 IP, 4 H, 3 ER.

Did You Know? On Opening Day of 2003, Cruz became only the second Cubs reliever to strike out six consecutive batters. Bruce Sutter, who will not be appearing on this list, did it in 1977.