Happy Easter, jerkwads. And Happy Home Opener. The universe is back in order. Carlos is no longer our worst starter. Did you honestly think you’d be pining for Prior after the first week of the season?
On second thought, maybe the universe isn’t completely back to normal. Leave it to Gabor to sound the 7th trumpet.
Still, 3-3 after a week on the road isn’t so bad. Right?
The list of douchebags “honoring” Jackie Robinson just continues to grow. I can’t wait until zombie Jackie Robinson kills zombie Bud Selig for this. What’s that you say? Bud Selig is still alive? Bullshit.
In case Miller’s start yesterday had you shitting yourself, like Will Ohman does every time he takes the mound, know this: help may be on the way sooner than you think. If you thought that article would link to something about Prior, hang your head in shame.
Here’s analysis for you. This guy says we’re going to win the pennant because he gave liquor to a dead guy.
Zambrano stirred up a hornet’s nest in Milwaukee by saying the Brewers’ lineup sucks compared to the Reds’. Only the hornets don’t have stingers, and they don’t make any noise, and they’re in no way intimidating or scary. Oh, and the hornets’ lineup does suck.
Shit, we’re already down 1-0 to Woody Williams? I should probably pay attention to this game before Lilly kills someone. Enjoy the home opener, assbags.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
Thanks for referencing my movie fuckstick
I hate the Cardinals and everything they do. Why are they…the way that they are?
Buddhists say good and evil are the same, because one can’t exist without the other. Hence, without the Cards, there would be no such thing as the opposite of “boorish uptight asshats with a serious inferiority complex, mensa cards, and altered birth certificates”.
Then I guess they’re necessary. You’re very wise.
See, we’re necessary too, because of the Yankees. They have a massive payroll, provincial and annoying fans, and are convinced of their own superiority. Also, they get too much media attention, have too many celebrity “fans”, and think the world revolves around them. Wait, maybe we just proved the existence of the opposite of irony.
Why Lou?…why are we losing? Why?
It’s bound to happen definitely a few times during the season.
ya but…why?
See earlier comments…winning does not mean anything without a loser. Losing is defined by winning. The great wheel turns, and all humanity is just a part of the spokes of the great wheel. Rest assured, in karmic terms, cards fans and sux fans are stll lost with the beating of (mens’) breasts and the smoking of PCP. Ultimate consciousness is only attainable by ultimate suffering. If you bear the suffering of all men, as all Cub fans do, then peace awaits you.
But don’t expect it to happen anytime soon. Learn to appreciate the infinite, and know that no matter how dead and gone you may be, the Cubs will win the whole thing. Just not in your lifetime. Ohmmmmmmmmmmm.
CHUT UP!!!
Dave Hoekstra and I work in the same building. I cross paths with him sporadically.
Just thought you should know.
Tell him the curse would already be broken if he’d put that booze to good use, that use being POURING IT DOWN MY THROAT.
okay Buddha…think your so smart; if thats true then should we not just do anything that would benefit us because it is just going to hurt us in the to equal out or should we induce ourselves to pain knowing that everything else will feel better after?