If your initial reaction to seeing Gary Gaetti on The Bottom 126 was anger, you are a feeble-minded. You also have a spot of drool on your shirt. Neither the good that Gaetti did in 1998, nor his pure awesomeness in R.B.I. Baseball forgive the 3/4 of his Cubs career when Gaetti had as many hits as hairs on the back of his head.

Gaetti was picked up by the Cubs in late August of 1998 after being released by the Cardinals, because the Cubs became suddenly and abruptly aware that their regular third baseman, Jose Hernandez, licked ass. Hairy guy ass.

Picking up the aging Gaetti was a surprisingly great move. Gaetti put together one of the best 37-game stretches of his career, helping to will the overachieving Cubs into the playoffs for their inevitable beating at the hands of the Braves. And then, the Cubs did the baseball equivalent of pulling the trigger a 6th time after you successfully survived five attempts at Russian roulette. They resigned a 40-year-old infielder who had caught lightning in a bottle at the end of the 1998 season. They paid the price. That sixth pull of the triggered unleashed a hollow point bullet to the tune of Gaetti’s 1999 .204 AVG, .260 OBP, and .339 SLG.

The Cubs released Gaetti after the 1999 season, but only after giving him 113 games during which he tarnished all of the positive memories we had of him following the 1998 season. They also destroyed any chance Gaetti had of making BCB’s Top 100 Cubs. That sound you hear is Gary crying himself to sleep at night.

Low Point: April 9, 1999. Remember how Kris Benson was kinda good before his wife blew every employee in the Mets’ organization? He was also good enough to outduel the mighty Scott Sanders at Three Rivers Stadium thanks in no small part to Gaetti. Gaetti came up 4 times in the game. The first time, he popped out in foul territory with the Cubs down 1-0. The next time, he struck out swinging with the Cubs down 2-1. Gaetti had two chances to redeem himself, however. In the 7th inning, Gaetti came up with 2 on and 2 outs with the Cubs still down 2-1. He struck out swinging. Want one more chance, Gary? Okay. Same situation in the 9th. 2 on, 2 out with the Cubs down 2-1. This time, Gaetti goes down looking. So long, dramatic clutch home runs. Hello, broken down bald third baseman.

Did You Know? Gaetti is now the hitting coach of the Durham Bulls, the team which inspired the movie Bull Durham. His son also plays in the Colorado Rockies’ minor league system. Expect to see his name on The Bottom 126 in 2028.