Where were you on the day you found out that the Cubs had finally traded LaTroy Hawkins? Weren’t you excited that the Cubs had gotten back players of whom you had actually heard? David Aardsma? I heard he actually has a pretty live fastball, if you can get over the scrotum thing. And Jerome Williams? Wasn’t he a first round pick of the Giants in 1999?
“Wow,” you may have thought to yourself on May 28, 2005. “LaTroy finally helped the Cubs! Now I actually sort of like him.”
Go back to hating LaTroy.
While LaTroy begat Aardsma, Aardsma begat Neil Cotts. Cotts sucks, and Aardsma just spent the afternoon pitching out a bases-loaded, no-out jam for the White Sox with three straight strikeouts (followed by 2 more the next inning for good measure).
And what of Williams? this game. Yet every time Williams took the ball, you expected something awful. It might have had something to do with all those walks. Williams let opposing teams clog bases almost as much as he himself clogged toilets.
So, the Cubs didn’t protect Williams, and he was claimed off waivers toward the end of the 2006 season by the Oakland Athletics. He wasn’t offered a contract after the 2006 season, and was snapped up by the Washington Nationals in January of 2007. You think you have it bad, Cubs fans? Williams made the Nationals’ 25-man roster as their fifth starter.
Low Point: I already sneaked it in there, because I’m sly! April 21, 2006. In Jerome’s last appearance in a Cubs tarp uniform, he goes only an inning and a third against the St. Louis Cardinals in Busch Stadium II: The Sequel. Though his outing is short, he finds enough time to give up 7 earned runs with 2 walks, no strikeouts, and a home run by Albert Pujols that hit the bleachers so hard that it sped up construction plans for Busch Stadium III: Even Badder.
Did You Know? From Wikipedia:
Williams was well known for wearing a puka shell necklace at all times on the playing field, in honor of his mother Deborah, who died of breast cancer in 2001 while he was still a minor league pitcher. However, he got rid of it after a bad start in 2005.
F@#$ you, dead Mom! I’m in a career-long slump!
Busch II is actually known, in architectural circles, as “Isn’t this like the 37th friggin’ time somebody’s tried to rip off Camden Yards?” I just hope they have extra wide seats for all those fat fuckers over there. Damn, this is a fat country and all, but somebody needs to tell some of those folks that ranch dressing is for pouring over a salad…it is most definitely NOT a beverage.
You’re filling this list with mostly no names that played for the team briefly.
What about the ones that actually spent over a year getting paid good money while sucking it up?
Frank Castillo, Candy Maldonado, Kal Daniels, Danny Jackson, Willie Wilson, Jose Vizcaino etc…
There’s still a long ways to go, JOE.
49 left…where will the Cub that broke your heart the most land? I expect to see Sergio soon. Gagh. I went to a $1 beer night to see the Nashville Sounds v. Iowa, since the little Cubs are always an attraction when they hit town (some of them will grow up to be borderline major leaguers), and bumped into him carrying his duffel bag to join the team as I left. Dropped off by a cab at our shithole AAA park to “meet the team” for a nice bus ride to some other dump. Kids, let that be a lesson – if you make the bigs, don’t suck!
I still think him and Mitre should be in our rotation, with Cruz as the closer. Come on, Jimbo, let the kids play!
There may still be a long ways to go, but there area still a whole lot of terrible former Cubs out there too. Bob Scanlan? Derrick May? How long did we wait for him to actually become a good player? Has Calvin Schiraldi been mentioned yet? Neifi! must be number 1. Joe Girardi has to be on the list. He is one of the most over hyped worthless players that the Cubs have ever had. No hit, over rated field. He was supposed to help develop our young pitchers during his second time through, but did he? During his first tour with the Cubs, Maddux preferred to throw to Berryhill (already on the list) over Girardi. Was Girardi so bad that Maddux developed his preference for personal catchers because of him? I can’t believe that Jerome Williams was worse than the abomination known as Rey “pop up the first pitch” Sanchez.
I’m surprised Ismael Valdez didn’t make it higher (or lower?) on the list. God, how I hated that guy.
Like I explained at the very beginning, really only the top 20-25 or so are ordered in some semblance of rationality. The others are basically ordered by which article I felt writing that day. There was something far too depressing about internally debating whether Rey Sanchez sucked worse than Rey Ordonez, so I didn’t want to go down that road.
Plus, I’ll have a “Who Did I Miss?” post at the end of the list. You guys can freak out about it then.
As long as you don’t miss YOU KNOW WHO.
DON’T WORRY. WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?
I thought I was whispering….no, no nothing here adds up at all.
hey hey hey, i’ve only pitched in ONE game, 1 2/3 inning without allowing a run, and i suck?
Yes.
I’ll step away from the ledge. Then I will push Shawn Boskie, Danny Jackson, Brian McCrae and Mel Rojas off the ledge. Hopefully, they will land on Dick Ruthven and George Frazier
Aim carefully, Jerry. After all, it is Masters week, and the shit is getting slick.
Dick Ruthven would have been called “Lord Ruthven” if any ballplayer ever had read books. Positive to whoever knows where the name comes from. Entries should be sent to pburke105@comcast.net. I’d bet on BK, but Snipes says I should always bet on black.
I know you’re talking about The Vampyre, but where the name comes from, I cannot say.
Dave Dravecky called, he wants his pitching arm back.