During the arduous haphazard process that went into compiling this list, I had to look back on some really miserable numbers. One guy whose numbers I didn’t realize were quite as terrible as they actually were was Todd Wellemeyer.
The Cubs’ “closer of the future” had two problems: he couldn’t get anyone out, and he never remembered to take his jersey off the clothes hanger before he put it on. But, with 3 saves in 4 seasons of work, I guess it could still work out for Wellemeyer.
Any time you’re feeling bad about the Cubs this season, consider this. The Royals at one point this spring actually considered putting Wellemeyer in their starting rotation. To give you an idea of how bad the Royals’ starting rotation is, Gil Meche is their Opening Day starter, Brandon Duckworth is their fifth starter, and their other three starters last year were in the bullpen, in the minors, and in 6′s with his ERA, respectively. Wellemeyer is worse than those guys, and he has improved since leaving the Cubs.
Wellemeyer was drafted by the Cubs in the 4th round of the 2000 draft. He made a dazzling Major League debut on May 15, 2003 at Miller Park in Milwaukee. Remember that game? The temporarily-good Corey Patterson put the Cubs ahead of the Brewers with a two-run homer in the 17th inning of a 2-2 game. Wellemeyer pitched the bottom of the inning and whiffed all three batters he faced. Cubs fans were elated, and we tried desperately to ignore the fact that the three batters were Eduardo Perez, Royce Clayton, and Brooks Kieschnick.
Wellemeyer’s career as a Cub, in order of appearances, basically went like this: great, great, great, great, great, AWWWWWFUUUULLLLL. It should have been somewhat telling of Wellemeyer’s career that the halfway-decent 2003 Cubs were only 3-12 in games in which Wellemeyer threw at least one pitch.
Before the 2006 season, the Cubs finally gave up on their “closer of the future,” spinning him to the Florida Marlins for Lincoln Holdzkom and Zach McCormack. Aren’t those the two brothers from Prison Break?
Low Point: June 25, 2003. How the f@#$ do you lose a game by 6 runs after going into the 10th inning in a 6-6 tie? With a bit of the old Wellemeyer, that’s how. On June 25, 2003, the Milwaukee Brewers were tied with the Cubs in just that situation when Wellemeyer came into the game. Remember those three guys he struck out during his debut up in Milwaukee? Remember? Eduardo Perez, Royce Clayton, and Brooks Kieschnick? This time, Kieschnick homered off Wellemeyer and the piano-laden Perez hit a two-run triple. Clayton struck out again because, well, Clayton is horrible. His most famous moment is getting owned by Dennis Quaid on three straight fastballs, for God’s sake. In that inning, Brett Favre Geoff Jenkins also hit a three-run homer. In total, Wellemeyer gave up 6 runs in the inning (5 earned), and the Cubs lost 12-6 in ten innings.
Did You Know? Todd Wellemeyer Wellemeyer picked up the win in the longest scoreless game ever played in Wrigley Field history, a 1-0, 16-inning Cubs win. I was actually in attendance on one of the rooftops for that game. Because of the length of the game, a friend and I decided to go straight to the bar afterward, where I met the future Mrs. Kermit for the very first time. If not for Todd Wellemeyer nailing down the Astros in the top half of the 16th inning, the game may have gone on even longer, which would have soured my resolve to go to the bar, and I may have never met Mrs. Kermit. You already had your spot on The B126 clinched, Todd. There was no need for insurance.
I don’t care what anybody says, Todd is a stud. He should be the number 3 starter this year. Then bring on the World Series. We could probably still get him back in a trade. A bag of new baseballs outta do the trick.
Finally! Someone else realizes that Brett Favre and Geoff Jenkins are the same person!
There was a time where Todd Wellemeyer made me think he could actually positive on the mound. I was, and still am, dumb.
I still think we can use him to get Adam Dunn.
Come back when you’ve reached a milestone. This place doesn’t keep numbers, but we do. And you’re lacking. Consider yourself blessed that I even took the time to respond. That won’t happen again for a long time.
By the way – nice bunting.
Ugh. I remember just how high Todd got my hopes. Hard fastball. Good splitter. Power pitcher’s physique. Now I can’t seem to remember any strikes. Of course, I drink a lot, and he only threw like six.
at least people spelled his name right, but he pitched a lot like me – not so good
Look on the bright side, Dave. If you’d ever done anything Sportscenter-worthy, your Boomer nickname was gonna be “DAVID AS AARDSMA THROBBIN’” Zap! Cut to color bars or that picture of the Indian while they pepper spray Berman. Sentence fragment there. Powerful emotional device. The desire. The guts. All for the glory. Yep, I could do a columnist’s job.
Sure, you say you could do a columnist’s job, but I have my doubts that you could eat the requisite number of chicken wings.
hey man, I’m a FAT 6′ 180. As long as the conditions are right (i.e. pre-eating level of drunkenness) I can throw down. I could’ve been the young, handsome, thin dude on “Bill Schwerski’s Superfans”, if they ever would have had one. Either that, or I’m a liar. Coin flip’s chance on that one. Q: Derrek Lee lays siege to Stalingrad, by himself. What happens to the Third Reich? A: DLee takes the city, and then turns his aggression on the Nazis, obliterating their very memory from the Earth with only a bat. He is then made Czar.