CHICAGO–Former Arizona Diamondbacks owner Jerry Colangelo is allegedly interested in purchasing the Cubs, if the Tribune Company decides to sell the team. Colangelo, also the chairman of the Phoenix Suns, is thought to be interested in purchasing shares in the White Star Line shipping company.

I’m the king of the world! Or something.

Colangelo is originally from Chicago Heights, and has expressed strong interest in purchasing the team of which he was a fan as a boy, saying that such a possibility is “quite exciting.”

Also exciting to Colangelo was the scene in the 1997 Academy Award-winning film Titanic when Jennifer Garner’s dad from Alias says, in response to the comment that the ship cannot sink, “She is made of iron, sir. I assure you, she can. And she will. It is a mathematical certainty.”

“You see, everyone is so sure that the Titanic is unsinkable,” Colangelo, who has had the movie rented out from Netflix for the past 6 months, said. “And then it sinks in the absolute most disastrous way possible. The coach- I mean, captain is so smug, yet he doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing so he leads the team- er, crew- to a total meltdown,” Colangelo continued. “I forget when this movie came out, but I think it was around 2003,” Colangelo surmised, humming The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

“FLP!” tried to ask Colangelo about the Chicago Cubs’ well-known history of losing, but Colangelo had to cut the interview short, mentioning that he was late for his zeppelin flight to Three Mile Island.