CHICAGO–Despite Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano’s success in the face of the 2006 Cubs’ offensive futility, Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Brandon Webb won the National League Cy Young award on Tuesday.

Webb will take home the Cy Young, but will not be able to show it to his own young, as Zambrano, disappointed about losing the reward, devoured Webb’s children early Tuesday afternoon.

Zambrano could not be reached for comment.� He was last seen sprinting around the earth in an attempt to reverse the earth’s rotation so that he might go back to his April 30 start against Milwaukee, when Zambrano gave up 7 earned runs in 4 innings.