Archive for November, 2006
Pujols Rips Howard New Poo Hole; No, Not Opie
ST. LOUIS–Despite Ryan Howard’s superior numbers, more pleasant demeanor, less pharmaceutically enhanced physique, and Howard’s Phillies’ better regular season record in a far more difficult NL East, Albert Pujols was up to his whining ways on Wednesday, crying about how the NL MVP should have gone to a player on a team that made the [...]
Hendry Interested in Taking Giants’ Schmidt
CHICAGO–Chicago Cubs’ G.M. Jim Hendry has offered San Francisco Giants righthander Jason Schmidt a three-year, $44M contract, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. “We haven’t had Schmidt on our roster for a long time,” Hendry said. “I can’t help but wonder what might have happened in 2003 if we had had just a little piece [...]
Hendry Expected to Make Big Splash at Winter Meetings in Pitching Market, Pool
CHICAGO–Having signed free agents Aramis Ramirez, Alfonso Soriano, and Mark DeRosa, yet having not yet addressed the Chicago Cubs’ non-existent pitching rotation, Cubs G.M. Jim Hendry is expected to make a big splash on the pitching market, whether via free agency or a trade, at the winter meetings in Orlando, Florida. Hendry is also expected [...]
Colangelo Interested in Purchasing Cubs, Stock in White Star Line
CHICAGO–Former Arizona Diamondbacks owner Jerry Colangelo is allegedly interested in purchasing the Cubs, if the Tribune Company decides to sell the team. Colangelo, also the chairman of the Phoenix Suns, is thought to be interested in purchasing shares in the White Star Line shipping company. I’m the king of the world! Or something. Colangelo is [...]
Morneau Beats Out, Holds Off Jeter for AL MVP; ESPN Combines Two, Beats Off Jeter
NEW YORK–The Minnesota Twins’ Justin Morneau narrowly edged out New York Yankee Derek Jeter to be the first player mentioned in an ESPN article about how Morneau won the American League MVP award. Morneau was mentioned two words into the article, with Jeter being mentioned three words later. “It was a surprise for me,” Morneau [...]
It’s Official: Soriano a Cub; “FLP!” Pissed About Frequency of Use of “Good Stuff About the Cubs” Tag
Details of the deal can be found here. Career ending injury expected to happen here.
Cubs Tentatively Get Octogenarian Soriano
CHICAGO–Well, no one can complain that the Cubs never sign the big free agents. Jim Hendry has reportedly signed Alfonso Soriano to the fifth-highest contract in Major League Baseball history ($135 million for 8 years), right behind Alex Rodriguez ($252 million for 10 years), Derek Jeter ($189 million for 10 years), Manny Ramirez ($160 million [...]
Cubs in ‘07: Middling Middle Relievers Mixed with Mediocre Middle Infielders; Aardsma Sacked
CHICAGO–The Cubs acquired left-handed reliever Neal Cotts today for fan favorite David Aardsma and Carlos Vasquez. Does this mean the end of the Will Ohman era? God, I hope not. For the record, Cotts has had exactly one good year, just like newly-acquired Cub Mark DeRosa. Hendry is expected to sign other people of Cotts’ [...]
Hendry Signs DeRosa, Finishes Rough Draft of “Why We Didn’t Get Zito” Speech
CHICAGO–Any goodwill that Jim Hendry built after spending money to keep Aramis Ramirez and Kerry Wood on the roster was wasted Tuesday when he inked Jose Macias Neifi Perez Mark DeRosa to a three-year, $13M deal. Welcome to sixth place, chump. DeRosa is coming off a career year, fitting right into Hendry’s “Buy high (Remlinger, [...]
Webb Wins NL Cy Young; Zambrano Eats Webb’s Young
CHICAGO–Despite Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano’s success in the face of the 2006 Cubs’ offensive futility, Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Brandon Webb won the National League Cy Young award on Tuesday. Webb will take home the Cy Young, but will not be able to show it to his own young, as Zambrano, disappointed about losing the reward, [...]
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