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ST. LOUIS--In His first public appearance since appearing on earth as His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, God addressed the media Monday, three days after the St. Louis Cardinals defeated the Detroit Tigers in Game 5 of the World Series 4-2, clinching the pennant for the Cardinals. "I just wanted to come down congratulate the Cardinals on their World Championship," ... Read More

CHICAGO--Lou Piniella added three more coaches to his staff Friday, naming Mike Quade as third base coach, Matt Sinatro as first base coach, and Lester Strode as bullpen coach. "FLP!" hit the streets to gauge the reaction of Cubs fans to the announcement, with apologies to The Onion. Ann Helter, Town Crier "If we keep spending money on coaches all willy-nilly like this, ... Read More

The Sporting News' "expert" reporter Mike Berardino suggests that Lou Piniella might be the Cubs' version of Jim Leyland. Berardino comes out with gems like this: Piniella's track record made him the top catch on the market this fall. Not only does he report to duty with 1,519 career victories in 19 seasons, he has pulled off quick ... Read More

DETROIT--Kenny "The Gambler" Rogers, whose "dirty" hand during Game Two of the World Series sparked controversy and whispers of cheating, was shot in the back after leaving the game in the eighth inning Sunday night, "Fer bein' a no-good, lyin', cheatin' cur," said Rogers' assailant, Jebediah "Deadeye" Ringo. Ringo said that he had seen a reward poster for Rogers', and acted ... Read More

CHICAGO--It has been more than 40 years since the Chicago Cubs last lost 100 games in a season under the fiery, argumentative, overbearing Leo Durocher. Monday, the Cubs took one step closer to reaching the century mark in losses, naming Alan Trammell the Cubs bench coach. Trammell managed to get the Tigers, who are currently in the World ... Read More

Well, Carrie Muskrat has opened up the old mailbag to answer Cubs fans' "burning questions." I wonder how long it took her to sort through all the fan mail before getting to the really meaty questions, like this one: How many World Series have the Cubs been in? I know they last won in 1908 and were last in ... Read More

CHICAGO--The Prior family has a new addition, baby Amanda Grace, who was born Thursday to Mark and Heather Prior. Initial rumors that Mark bore the child himself were proven false, as it was confirmed that Heather was, in fact, the one who gave birth to the 6 pound, 9 ounce baby girl. As soon as Amanda was born, Mark and ... Read More

I haven't been watching the playoffs. I hate the Mets. I hate the Cardinals. My backup AL team, the Twins, got swept by Frank Thomas, who I hate. I made the mistake of briefly tuning in last night, though, for a brief 15 minutes. Long enough to hear Joe Buck make two of the stupidest ... Read More

The geniuses at The Onion are at it again. God bless 'em. Lou Piniella's First Big Move as Cubs Manager is to Resign ... Read More

CHICAGO--One day after new Cubs manager Lou Piniella announced that pitching coach Larry Rothschild would return for the 2007 season, Cub pitcher Mark Prior's right arm requested its unconditional release from the club. "It's unexpected," Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said. "We thought Prior's right arm would be here for years to come, but we're going to honor its request, ... Read More