Behold My Foul Balls!
First of all, I want to thank Steve, the owner of Tommy Nevin’s (which, by the way, is a terrific place) for footing the bill and including me in yesterday’s festivities at Wrigley Field, and Mark, the manager of the Naperville 12″ slow-pitch champion Mayhem, for inviting me. Not only did I get an opportunity to catch pop fly fungos from Alan Trammell, but I also got to take batting practice off Lester Strode. I was just thrilled I made contact. Majestic foul ball contact.
Notice that right after I put one through the box, Strode got scared and started pitching me outside. Which was smart, because I couldn’t pull the damn ball. Also, the brief cameo appearance was by none other than Thomas Diamond. Thomas, you’re in my shot.
Trammell and Diamond were both exceptionally cool. I asked Diamond if he still had the pink backpack, but then realized it was Maine. He pointed out that Mateo is also behind him on the pecking order. Then he laughed and said they had about 90 days to catch up with him, since he held the backpack for about 60 days in Texas and about 30 days in Chicago.
Strode clearly did not want to be there. He kept insisting that the next guy to hit be ready to go at a split-second’s notice, despite the fact that they provided us with exactly one left-handed helmet and one right-handed one. For ten hitters. Two lefties. After about the third hitter, he started asking, “Are you the last guy?”
Also, the first hitter to come up was a young man of probably 12 years of age. Strode flat-out gunned three pitches high and away from him. The rest of us turned toward each other and said, “We have no chance.” Les, the old character, must have learned from Dempster how to “joke,” because he laughed and said he was just teasing. The kid should have charged the mound. Incidentally, no one went yard.
Despite the outcome of the game and the insanely hot weather, it was one of the best times I’ve ever had at Wrigley Field. The staff was generous and cool, we got a complimentary official jersey and hat, and we actually got to hit, throw, and catch (which is more, ordinarily, than the Cubs do) on the surface of Wrigley Field. It was surreal.
Can They Call Up Samardzija Before Tomorrow?
So, I was on a softball team this summer, and the roster of said softball team was filled with a lovable gang of drunks. As it happens, we were sponsored by Tommy Nevin’s, and we spent more money there than any of the other sponsored teams. By way of reward (or, perhaps, punishment), Tommy Nevin’s is sending a pair of us to tomorrow night’s Cubs game. Before the game, we will actually have a chance to get onto the field and take some batting practice. Will I humiliate myself? Almost definitely.
But I sure as hell am looking forward to it. If I can get any good pictures, I’ll post them on Twitter. I will definitely NOT post video of me taking BP.
Friday Night Fukudome: Cardinals vs. Reds
I hate to have to break this to you via the Fukudome, but it appears that the Cubs may very well be out of the NL Central race. The Central has become a two-team race with two of your least-favorite managers managing two of the reddest rosters in baseball. COMMIES. It’s time to get your rooting interest together, as death is NEVER an option in the Fukudome.
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| St. Louis Cardinals | Cincinnati Reds |
Skip’s Comment of the Week: August 27, 2010
Gang! It’s the first Comment of the Week in the post-Piniella era. What a time to be alive! I hope the changes around here aren’t too startling. You know Skip will always be here for you, even after that other #41 abandoned you all. It’s time for yet another weekly comment!
This week’s Comment of the Week comes from Noble White, who is THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS.
You heard it here first, and you can choose to believe it or not, but I have it on good authority that Lou deliberately avoided kicking dirt at umpires recently in order to keep his shoes clean so he’d look good in his last press conference. He was asked to do this by Ricketts and Hendry. This is why Theriot kept getting written into the one-spot, and why Zambrano got mad at all his teammates. Now Fukudome is going to step down (and move to Japan to save face), as are Ramirez , Soriano, and Z. I don’t know what players are being told now, and it won’t come out until they are gone, but winning is not the most important goal now; retiring to be with your mothers is.
Congratulations, Noble White!
Uncle Mike’s Weekly BROWSing: The “We’ll Miss You, Uncle Lou” Edition
Wellity, wellity, wellity. Look who’s on your little blog now? Uncle Mike has been reading up on this crap, and things are going to be done a little differently around here. It’s serious time around here. I don’t abide horseplay, rolling, polling, hoopla, and whatnot. This feature is now called Uncle Mike’s Weekly BROWS- oh, now I get it, Kermit. Asshole. Your tips are still welcome here. Let’s have at it, pukes.
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3-0? PFFFFFFTTTTT.
So, Mike Quade is off to a pretty good start as interim manager. He’s won three games in a row and swept the mighty Nationals. Wow! I’m sooooooo impressed. What were the Nationals? 53-71 going into Monday night’s game? And they had to face whom? Livan Hernandez? Hell, that guy was practically around when I was playing. John Lannan? Jason Marquis? Ha!
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Hire Jim Essian!
Lou Piniella is smarter and luckier than you are. He doesn’t have to watch this crap anymore. Lou’s last game in a Cub uniform will be this afternoon, as he is off to help care for his mother, who has been in poor health. Sadly, thanks to the terrible team he was given, Lou’s managerial career ends with a whimper rather than a bang. Lou whipped a terrible 2007 team into a division winner, he was hilarious and spirited, and he will be missed in Chicago by anyone with half a brain. God speed, Lou. I suspect the Yankees will snap you up in a New York minute.
Now, we have business to do. The “Hire Jim Essian” campaign begins…
Friday Night Fukudome: Watching the Cubs vs. Getting Your Nuts Smashed with a Hammer
After yet another ridiculous loss, the Cubs find themselves- Oh, screw it. They’re terrible, unlikable, and I hate them all. Which leads me to this week’s FNF. I suggest you NEVER EVER do a GIS for “nuts smashed with hammer.” You’ll thank me later. Ladies, feel free to substitute in “ovaries,” or whatever the hell you have down there.
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| Watching the Cubs | Getting Your Nuts Smashed with a Hammer |
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “What Happened to the Tall Fella?” Edition
Okay, so it’s more like “Today at 1:20…” but the message is still the same. Derrek Lee is no longer a Cub, but, hey, at least John Grabow is out for the season. Remember him? Remember how he pitched for a while there? Sure you do. Not a whole lot of tips to be had this week, and I can hardly blame you. It’s hard enough just watching this team. Who has time to also watch hilariously adorable videos of cats getting tickled? Well, if you have tips for next week, send them here. I’ll give them a good home.
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Despite Diving for Baseballs, Lee Is Still Somehow Traded
Despite Lou Piniella’s alleged mandate that all Cub infielders be wrapped in bubble wrap, surrounded in safety foam, and forbidden from diving for baseballs, Derrek Lee somehow managed to play his hardest, GET INJURED, and be traded to the Braves yesterday along with cash for three more young pitchers. Because the Cubs have a lot of young pitchers, see?
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